Today should be: 07/15/03

 

 

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You have found the one, the only, the truly ecumenical, World Universal Church. The church you wish your folks had taken you to but they didn’t.

In the beginning was the bumper sticker, “God said it, I believe it, that settles it.” To which, God might have replied, “bullshit, I said nothing of the sort.” Why might God have said such a thing? Because, GOD DOESN’T TALK TO ANYONE. Never has, never will.

Who We Are: The World Universal Church is a cyber-sanctuary, founded by The Right Reverend Jimmy Divine, televangelist to the Stars, and is for any and all peoples to gather around the warm glow of their computer screens and learn to see the commonalities of all people and to begin to shed the lessons that have been pounded into us since birth that only focus on our differences. Nowhere are these “differences” more clearly drawn than by those three three topics one should never discuss in “polite company”... politics, sex and religion. We propose to discuss all three here.

It was not our plan to create a portal that demonstrated the end of the world as we know it. Because the world, in its present incarnation, sucks the big one. Yet, through some divine mystery, apparently we have created just that and we couldn’t be more proud. You see, the religious right fringe of Amerika has been busy dissecting their favorite novel to illustrate to their trailer park followers that they have the “Ear of God” (I’d like to know who has “His Penis”). And, so they have “prophecized” that the “end of days” would be marked by the creation of a single worldwide church headed by the Anti-Christ. Now, according to those who read the fiction known as “The Bible,” this prophesy occurs in the book “Revelations” (or, as I prefer to call it, “Hallucinations”) starting around Rev. 13:8 and popping up here and there throughout the rest of this incredible sci-fi page-turner. Of course, “biblical scholars” (an oxymoron not unlike “military intelligence” or “jumbo shrimp”) tell us that this one world church, to be headed by the Anti-Christ, will be based in Rome and will be lead by the Pope. I say, “only after they pry it out of my cold dead fingers.” We called it first. If the Pope or his "Red Birds" want to wrestle for it...game on. We can whoop any of those old farts any day of the week.
 

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My Kind of News

See what the religious lunatics have to say about us.

If you find all of this gibberish just “way too” fascinating, then do a Google search on “One World Church” and prepare to be overwhelmed with the rantings of these “double-wide” lunatics.

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The Pulpit is Yours

God only knows what I might place in the "Photo Album." If you've got some kinky stuff...send it to me. Maybe I'll post it. If you've got stills from the young Miss Bush's illicit videotape, I'll definitely put'em up. Click below to enter our weblog "The Pulpit" where we'll be posting irregular sermonettes on whatever we fancy and where you get to post your comments on the sermons. Tell me...what other church let's you do THAT?!
 

This site was last updated 07/15/03